Wednesday, May 4, 2011

For the First Time after 17 months.

Assalamualaikum. Dua hari lepas. Pagi. Memeriksa inbox sepertimana rutin kebiasaan. Melihat phone Sony. Tiada apa-apa. Melihat phone Nokia. Ada message. Membuka. Ternampak angka-angka aneh. Unidentified number, getus hati sendiri. Namun, number itu sangat dikenali. "Macam kenal je number ni," getus alter ego sendiri. Ianya number yg telah dipadam dari phone memory 17 bulan lalu. Hurmm. Tidak disangka pengirim mesej itu masih boleh dicam setelah sekian lama. Okay. Membaca kandungan. Ya. Panggilan pulang ke rumah. Setelah 17 bulan. Nasib lah bukan 17 tahun kan. Terkesima. Meragui kebenaran. Dihubungi adik-beradik & umi. Percubaan mendapatkan pengesahan. Sambil bekerja sambil akal ligat berfikir.

Petang. Break. Kebenaran disahkan. Terkesima lagi. Kembali bekerja. Cukup masa. Sembahyang Asar. Ketika dalam perjalanan, hamba cuba memujuk hati utk menghubungi unidentified number. Bak kata org kalau ada masalah dgn manusia, selesaikan dgn particular person tu depan depan. Walaupun disedari bahawa memang sangat sukar bg hamba utk berhadapan dgn manusia yg hamba panggil biological father. Akhirnya, digagahi juga diri. Percubaan pertama. Gagal. Percubaan kedua. Panggilan diangkat. Maka lidah menari-nari mengatur bicara. Dengarnya seperti si penerima panggilan tidak memberi reaksi ketara. Meminta diri. Talian diputuskan. Diperiksa phone. Tiga puluh saat. Terduduk di hadapan surau seketika. Tangan menggeletar. Seram sejuk. Dirasakan itulah tiga puluh saat paling lama dalam hidup. The biggest life turnover in 30 seconds. Lantas umi dimesej. Dimaklumkan akan perkara yg berlaku. Dari A hingga Z panggilan itu dibuat. Lalu hamba diberitahu yg si penerima panggilan sedang menangis. Sungguh, perihal itu tidak hamba percaya. Masih. Hingga kini. 

Tidak mengapalah. Janji harus ditepati. Khamis ini, insyaAllah. Jika tiada halangan. Pulanglah hamba ke kampung halaman.  Sekurang-kurangnya, lagu ini sudah boleh didengari semula - Home by Daughtry. Tetapi, usah berlega. Ini baru permulaan. Tidak tentu lagi ke mana destinasi seterusnya selepas ini. Masih banyak lagi perkara lain yg berlegar dalam akal fikiran. Persediaan utk jambori 30 Mei ini, keperluan mendesak utk wang sebelum akhir bulan Mei, ketidaktentuan sama ada bekerja di kL @ di Melaka, cinta (perlu ke?). Perlu pula dikaitkan dgn permohonan ijazah & segala bagai agar tidak bertindan. Terasa dibebani dgn soalan-soalan berkenaan terus-menerus dalam tempoh sehari dua ini. Hanya mampu mengharap. Semoga buah fikiran segera menziarahi dalam tempoh sehari dua ini. Hamba sangat memerlukannya.

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I'm staring out into the night, trying to hide the pain
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain

Well, I'm going home, back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me
I'm not running from, no, I think you got me all wrong
I don't regret this life I chose for me
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home, well I'm going home

The miles are getting longer, it seems, the closer I get to you
I've not always been the best man or friend for you
But your love it makes true and I don't know why
You always seem to give me another try

So I'm going home, back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me
I'm not running from, no, I think you got me all wrong
I don't regret this life I chose for me
But these places and these faces are getting old

Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it all
You just might get it all and then some you don't want
Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it all
You just might get it all, yeah

Oh, well I'm going home, back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me
I'm not running from, no, I think you got me all wrong
I don't regret this life I chose for me
But these places and these faces are getting old
I said these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home, I'm going home


4 comments:

  1. i'll sing for you when you come back! pulanglah wahai kawanku. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. adilah : still, i feel like i need to be aware. i dunno why. probably my level of insecurity just won't drop. hopefully this will be the most meaningful birthday present for me.
    dini : if you cried, then try & guess what do I feel. LOL. but then, sorry T.T

    ReplyDelete

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