Saturday, January 22, 2011

Dear You-Know-Who-You-Are, I need you to read this.

  1. Someone from me in the past said that I've changed. It's you.
  2. Yeah, I've changed. From the social aspect, I'm no longer bounded by my family. I'm not restricted by regulations from anybody. My only limitation probably is the amount of money in my account.
  3. It is undeniable. I love evolutions. I hate staying in the same pace. I would ever love to change continuously depending on the situation. 
  4. NEVERTHELESS, I'm still the same, here & there. I love my mum. I love my siblings. I love my family except for my dad for he's the one who has caused the lifetime chaos of mine & the rest of the family. 
  5. I still have to make sure that my aunt, my uncle, my cousins etc etc feel proud of having me as one of their family members. Yeah, I'm fighting from the outside to save my family. Hence, I need to prove that this fight is not something that is totally bloody shit or I'll make every single penny that they've entrusted in me-although it's not much but it's fine somehow-not worth it. It's the same case to you. Because I'm obligated to repay everything that you've invested in me as well. And as long as it is not completed, I'LL NEVER STOP. YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I SAY "I WANT IT TO BE". Please bear that in your mind, AGAIN.
  6. Yes, I admit it. I can't fight alone. I need a comrade. A lifetime comrade that knows me and my way very well, willing to lend a hand and a pair of ears, willing to share the pain, give the shoulders to cry. A comrade to protect and TO LOVE. That's me. Because I'm upholding this principle that "Even in a world full only with enemies, there will always be someone you must protect." You know that very well. Definitely, it is a must for the comrade to be a girl. Undoubtedly, the girl was you. I repeat, it WAS you. But it is not for now. I don't want this lame, stupid, idiotic bloody lame ass to spill the paint and spoil your fine built house. I know you too well since the first page of our love story in Form 1. Thus I realised that I should let you go off to be with a better guy. A guy like me should end up with something worst. You're like a high-ranked angel, living in the highest stairs of heaven, and I'm like a shadow demon that lives in the deepest labyrinths of the underworld. I don't even know why I give this analogy, though. But I think it's clear enough to show the difference between us. Not to forget all the tense from living alone made me reminded of the conflicts that we're having in the past thus causing my love to fade away from you. 
  7. I'm moving on here. Yet I'm helping you to move on too. I'm not that selfish, okay? How could I be selfish to those people who've been a part of my life? However, you're too stubborn to do so. It really sounds like you. You just can't let me go. I accept it. I admit it that it's hard for me too. You told me not to find a new one. I did it, although you know that it is freaking tough for me to do so. I'm suffering deep inside by fighting alone. You should've known that better, therefore you should've appreciated it more because I did this for you. Instead, you listen to talks from nowhere and keep accusing me with those bullshits. Never mind. I'm a street rat. You're that cat in the palace. You can keep playing with me and my heart as you have the fragments of my heart's key. 
  8. In spite of that, I'm still able to put on my poker face in front of my friends. Fake a smile and pretend nothing has happened. Act like I've moved on and had a new crush. In fact, nothing has changed YET. Never. Since the last day I let you go. The cat has never been let out of the bag, because I know that this should be something private between me and you. Yes, it should be. Our relationship is a privilege to us, and only us. Do you remember the code?
  9. Okay, I can still contain it. Not till YOU SEND ME THAT TEXT MESSAGE. Gosh! I'm in a middle of helping in some event, balancing my studies and so on and so forth which are totally harder for me than before. It's a hit to me, and getting hit in these not-so-good moments are such a pain in the ass. In the name of God, I cried in my heart. Truly. I don't think I can bear this any longer. Probably it's because of all these tense coming up all in once. My dear, do you realised that you've broken the vital law, ever since the beginning of the ending? I keep cool out of it for such a long time. Now, "Thanks" is the only token of gratitude that I could issue to you, as you're causing me to do the same thing, here. 
  10. It feels like discussing things with you will never put on a ceasefire as it did before. 
  11. Hopefully you'll read this and understand how awful I am by trying to survive here. Believe me, it sucks to fight alone in the dark without any guidance. 
  12. I'm sorry. I can't continue this fight with you as a comrade. I need to find a new one although it'll be worst than having you by my side. Somehow rather, I don't think I'll found "her". My girlfriends here in Puncak Alam are so much of perfection as you are, which is not suitable for me, a stray dog. The only thing is you've contributed too much to me and I appreciated it with a concentrated solution of humble and respect.
  13. Again, I hope that you'll read this. This one's directed to you. I don't want to hate you more, darling. Please don't make that happen. I really want us to be the best of friends, even though I can't fulfill my promises to you. I'm not qualified to do so. Yes, I'll redeem myself to you in future. That's a promise that I would die for. You can count on it. It's just that I need you to let this bastard off your perfect life. No hard feelings please. I've cried in my heart a lot, which is painful as you can't show it off to public. You know that I break into tears easier than any other guys, don't you? Please don't even say that I blame you for this. I just want you to remember how tender my heart is as to be compared with these hardships I'm facing right now.
  14. I remembered that I promised to make you happy. It's the only reason I've been up with my stand in the first place, which made you labeled me as being egoistic. No, it's not. I prefer looking you being happy from afar compared to being by your side and making you weep always. I missed growing up together with you. Definitely, I'll regret it for not growing old with you as well. Deep inside, I... *speechless* *tears drop*


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