Hating Himself.

1. I hate myself.
2. I can't help my friends. This is against my code.
3. All this while, everything's going on a rush till I couldn't keep myself updated of what's going on.
4. I felt that we had only discussed about the venue & themes. All of a sudden, the event is just five days away & I'm super blank about it. 
5. Maybe it's because of me & my ignorance.
6. Maybe it's because I'm afraid to lose myself.
7. Maybe it's because I'm bounded.
8. Whatever it is, I regret because I took the easiest job on the first place.
9. Never thought that this job would be freaking easy that I've a lot of free time & causing myself of being unable to keep up with their pace due to the laziness. Yeah, I got my work settled. However, what about the others? Are they doing well? Can they finish their work ASAP? Is there any problem occurred? Eff, I'm totally clueless!
10. Well, on the good side, I can focus on my studies more.
11. Nevertheless, there are friends who need more help than I do. Isn't that being selfish, Afiq?
12. Plus, I failed my Chemistry. Shoot! Now I'm trembling with the possibilities that I will slack my Math's paper. Doesn't seem to me like studying, somehow. Hence, what am I doing during those ample times??
13. I've expected hectic weekdays & weekends in present. But I never thought that this will happen. So many things to do, so much things to settle, so little time, so little information. Yeah, I wanna lend a hand but I know nothing! Yes, it sucks. Truly.
14. If only I step up earlier & take charge. If only I cared more during the first steps. If only I know what's happening from top to bottom, from A to Z, this shit will never happen. 
15. It's too late now, somehow. Just have to ensure that I possess enough endurance to help myself & the others to make it through this week. I know I will regret this for a lifetime for not playing the key role instead.
16. I wish that this weekend will be a blast as a pay-off for everything that they've done & sufferings that they've undergo throughout this whole time.
17. Again, I hate myself right now. *Screaming*